the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
