Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
