Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
