I wannas sexs uuuuu
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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