so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
