I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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