I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
