'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
