we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
