i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
