i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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