I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize