So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
