I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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