Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
