For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
