There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
