its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
