Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
