Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
