I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
