just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
