so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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