Pappa wants mamma naked
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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