rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
