I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
