HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
