The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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