I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you didnt know i had herpes?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
