just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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