u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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