2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
