I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
