I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
