Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
