just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
