Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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