this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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