I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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