glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
