Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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