You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
