where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
