I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
