My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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