At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
