my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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