they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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