I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize