mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
