i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
