he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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