Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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