if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
