Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
