Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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