Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
