I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
