im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
