The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
