He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
