Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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