how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
