Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
