Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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