If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
