Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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