Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
