you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God I need to hump something, right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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