u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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