I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
